…so often we look towards the Heavens
to ask for fulfillment of our egotistical desires
and solutions for our smallest problems
before we turn to look at ourselves…
ring truth in the ears of
those once incapable of understanding,
now unable to stand.
applause as his opponent’s
limp body hits sweat stained mat
but all he hears are police sirens,
echos of a life long forgotten–
voices over a radio requesting dispatch units
to 200 Block of South End
because John had too much and
Mom had finally had enough
so she tried to leave.
he prayed every day–
prayed she’d come to her senses
and walk out that battered front door.
if only she’d found the courage sooner.
if only he’d found the courage sooner!
blood on his busted knuckles,
on his busted face–
he tried wiping it away after each fight
yet still he felt it staining his body.
now to center ring they walk him,
hoisting his arms overhead,
outstretched towards the Heavens
praising a savior who’d never answered before
nor seemingly ever would–
a savior who’d never stepped up and into the ring
to fight for a boy who fought for a world
that never seemed to fight for him.
under these lights nothing can hide,
no scars or bruises left unseen
by the prying eyes of those
who’d never truly comprehend
the Testament he wrote with each blow to the chest.
his verses written in blood,
he speaks to a different congregation–
a different kind of church.
hard liquor fitting for paint remover
substitutes Communion wine
for a man who’d never know the difference.
he’s walked from the building
surrounded by bodyguards and training staff,
through throngs of people touching him,
blindly groping at his body
and singing the gospels of wanting and desire.
over screams, cries, and chants,
he answers his crowd of disciples–
shouting to the thronging masses,
all of them worshippers
at his Saturday night ringside sermon.
these empty halls,
these creaking floors,
these flickering lights,
these deadbolted doors-
with varnished knobs
and tarnished wood,
these silent guards
after what happened,
none dare go.
what Night saw-
we’ll never know.
I haven’t written in a while.
No, that’s not true.
I haven’t posted in a while.
I haven’t posted in a while because I haven’t had anything I wanted to say.
Liar! Why aren’t you telling the truth?
I haven’t posted in a while because I haven’t had anything interesting to say.
Come on now, really?
I haven’t posted in a while because I haven’t had anything I thought other people would find interesting.
Ok, but people read your work for a reason. They read because they find you and your words interesting. So why not?
Life got so stressful and busy all of a sudden that there wasn’t really any time for me to formulate my thoughts into words, and to put those words on the page.
I’m hearing excuses for daily life.
I’ve been putting a lot of time into school work and adjusting college life.
So did a lot of people. I bet they kept writing.
Know what? Fine! I give! What do you think I should do?
Share what you’ve been working on.
It’s not ready.
It’s not even interesting!
Nobody will read it!
Can I start tomorrow?
I used to think I’d miss you–
used to think I’d cry when you eventually left.
But that day was yesterday,
and today my heart already feels whole again.
Instead of ripping it in half you fixed it,
healing it with every taken step.
It’s not quite the same as before you,
and only time will tell.
No longer is it brimming with fear and anxiety,
but instead overflowing with a mix of joy and happy relief.
As I sit here without a single tear left to shed,
you’re the only thing that’s changed.
I used to think what we had was love–
Used to believe that you were the only one for me.
But that all ended yesterday,
When my open eyes could finally see.
I’d like to say I’ll remember our time fondly–
But that’s not even a half truth.
Photographs that were once bustling with life and color
sit crammed in a single dresser drawer,
stone cold and void of love
that we were once convinced we shared.
You were my first and my only,
but you certainly won’t be my last.
Image: “Wall” via Deviantart by Amendoins
For the first time in several years,
I tore out a piece of my writing from a notebook,
crumpled it into a misshapen ball,
and tossed the disfigured wad into my kitchen garbage can.
I’m a word hoarder–
collecting and keeping every word I write
in the hopes that one day those words will
mean something to someone other than me.
Except… not these words.
After finishing my piece and setting down my pen
I began to read–
only to quickly realize that these were not
words I would ever desire to take credit for,
let alone share with the world.
Because these words…
they were so full of hate, anger, suffocating greed,
and misery that tore at my soul in a way that I couldn’t understand.
I guess it’s time I stop trying to write about the news.
**Image: “Daily News” via Deviantart by Vangelis